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| This is what happens when you use eye stuff in your writing. |
There are three types of eye stuff. The first, known in the circles of literary science as standard eye stuff, is referred to as eye stuff for the sake of brevity. The second type of eye stuff is compound eye stuff and only referred to as such. Third and finally, there is alpha eye stuff. Above all, you want to avoid all three types of eye stuff.
EYE STUFF®
Eye stuff is when a writer uses an observational phrase such as “I gazed…,” “you see a…,” “she watched…,” “he saw…,” “it looked at….” It can happen in 1st, 2nd, and both forms of the 3rd person narrative. All other forms of eye stuff are built on standard eye stuff. You read it a lot in action or adventure novels. Typical eye stuff:
Seeing the terrorist running his way, his eyes shot to the gun looking for the safety. Spotting the button, he unlatched the safety on his bazooka. He raised the weapon and looked through the scope. He viewed the evil terrorist and aimed.Vs. eye stuff removed:
With the terrorist running his way, he searched for the gun's safety. Finding it on the handle, he unlatched it, and raised the bazooka. With the scope against his eye, he aimed.You don’t need to label observations. In the second example, the character's actions show what they are seeing using actions and reactions. Even in "lit fic" we want stuff "happening." So what about when the genre or context is different? Such as describing scenery in the first person when "nothing is happening," here's the eye stuff version:
Approaching, I saw the front of the black church. It’s color a darkness woven from the fabric of shadows.Vs. eye stuff removed:
I approached the front of the black church. It’s color a darkness woven from the fabric of shadows.But wait, what if the character isn’t moving but purely observing?
Standing in the square, on my left was the black church. It’s color a darkness woven [...]Another eye stuff trap is when you "don't see" it. This is using eye stuff along with a negation ("no," "not," "don't," etc.) to create a false surprise:
He didn’t see the bear coming, it surprised him, biting his buttocks.Newer writers struggle with this. The thinking is, I want to express surprise and tell the reader the character did know the bear was going to bite him in the ass. It was a total surprise, The bear snuck up behind him and the character didn’t know it was coming. “He didn’t see the bear coming,” is writing in negation and anticlimactic to boot. Without using eye stuff, the affirmative is a bit more fun.
The bear snuck up behind him and bit him in the ass.Eye stuff is one of those things new writers do. Hell, I did it at one point and I’m sure you can look for it in my earlier works. It took me some time to see the light, and an editor saying, "You know how many times I read that?" What do you do if you want to point out that a person is seeing or witnessing something? Here are some ideas on how to handle it:
He acknowledged the flesh-eating monster standing in his doorway.
He nodded at the flesh-eating monster standing in his doorway.
He held up a finger signaling, wait, to the flesh-eating monster standing in his doorway.
The flesh-eating monster in the doorway growled. Chip turned, dropped his phone, opened his arms, and said, “Fred it’s been too long.”In 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person subjective, the words on the page are what the character is observing. Labeling what a character sees, hears, tastes, and smells aren't necessary, because what you write is what they are seeing, hearing, tasting, and smelling:
Smelling:
The aroma of bread filled the air.
Vs.
He smelled the aroma of bread filling the air.
Hearing:
A foghorn moaned in the distance.
Vs.
She heard the foghorn moan in the distance.
Tasting:
Coppery blood filled my mouth.
Vs.
I tasted the coppery flavor of blood filling my mouth.
COMPOUND EYE STUFF®
You see compound eye stuff all over "romantic" passages. It occurs when two people look "at" or "into" each other’s eyes, the eye stuff is now “compounded.” It's eye stuff with more eye stuff added to it, often presented as an amalgamation of his and her eye stuff:
With his super-blue eyes, he gazed into her loving almond shaped eyes lovingly, as her heart pounded in her chest and she stared back. He closed his eyes and leaned into kiss her. She squinted, holding in a massive fart.It's not reserved for bodice rippers alone, compound eye stuff can work between a group and an individual:
He looked at the other gamblers eyes scanning for tells as they returned nothing but cold stares.
ALPHA EYE STUFF®
Alpha eye stuff is another form of compound eye stuff because it always involves at least 2 sets of eyes. You DO NOT want to use alpha eye stuff, it is overdone to describe human interaction:
The two Wall Street tycoons locked eyes vying to establish the dominant alpha.
The two gunslingers locked eyes vying to establish the dominant alpha.
The two strippers dressed as clowns locked eyes vying to establish the dominant alpha and who would own the stage.
He stared at the eyes of his competitor on the billboard trying to make him back down.It’s so cliché that I can make up that cliché in advance and I know you’ve seen it before. As with everything in writing, there are exceptions. One of which is when you have two alpha animals trying to establish dominance. Eye stuff is unavoidable if you’re talking about dogs, wolves, or other animals that communicate using eye contact. In that case, they are almost talking, and there are not a lot of stories out there about the life and times of wild animals.
“Eye Stuff®,” “Compound Eye Stuff®,” and “Alpha Eye Stuff®,” are terms I made up, but they are real, you’ll see it, I saw it, and editors gaze upon it all the time.
