Elements of Wild Style: How To Write (Dialogue) So You Can Talk Shit: Part 1

There are books on the subject of writing dialogue. Being that I don’t want to write a book, but blog posts I have to break this up into parts.

The worst piece of advice I’ve ever received on the topic of writing dialogue is:

Just listen to the way people talk and that’s how to write dialoguealog.

I’ve seen this piece of crap advice in more than one book on writing, and I've heard it from more than one English teacher. Guess what? It's 100% bullshit. Ignore those words and blot them out of your head forever.

It was either Haylie Ephron or Chris Roerden who I’m paraphrasing here, but in fiction “Dialogue is stylized.” It’s stylized to be succinct, has flow and rhythm, delivers information, and is another form of action that gives character information.

So, here’s a real conversation.

“Hey, so how goes it?” Bill said.
“Things are good, what’s up with you?” Scott said.
“Meh, not much, what game is that?”
“The new version of the Legend of Zelda.”
“Is it any good?”
“Yeah, meh, I guess.”
“Oh, hey, you hear about Sal’s nephew?” Bill said.
“The one who got shot?”
“Um, the one who walked into a 7-11 at the wrong time.”
“Those kids sure did shoot him dead.”
"Listen, man, that ain't the way I want to go out.

What’s so bad? For starters, unless you’re interested in video games it’s boring, even then, it’s not heart-pounding. The general guideline for writing dialogue is just like working a day job: Get in LATE, leave EARLY. This goes for both the sentences and the volley between the characters.

If you look at everything above, what is needed? How do you minimalize it so it has some punch?

Bill walked in on Scott entranced with the new Legend of Zelda game.
“You hear about Sal’s nephew?” Bill said.
“The one who was shot and killed by some kids at a 7-11?” Scott said.

You don’t need the “Hey, hello” stuff, you don’t need greetings or salutations, that stuff is page filler. Avoid all the little bit stuff like “um,” "hey," "listen" and “uh.” That stuff might be how we talk, but on a page, it doesn't do anything. Condense information and make it easy to read. Dialogue has to relate to the story, to the characters, and much like when you’re writing anything else, it has to serve a purpose or it has to go.

Remember, short, sweet, in late, out early.

(paid for by Nintendo.)